If you drove slower, this wouldn't happen.
You're the one who wants to catch up to your pal Kelby, right?
Yes! I can't wait for you to meet him!
Same here.
Philly, won't driving up this slope at this speed strain Bessie's engine?
Listen, little Miss Expert, I know Bessie a lot better than you ever...
Say "I told you so" and I'll whup you.
Check.
But she did duly warn you.
Whee! Vroom, vroom!
Thanks for towing us here, mister...
I'm Dimwiddle.
And I'm always glad to lend a hand, if you know what I mean.
Can you fix Bessie?
Not to worry, little lady. This is Squeaking Springs!
We work on anything. Catch my drift?
Sorry, we can't wait around. How long will repairs take?
Well, hard to say...
I'm off to my other job.
Meanwhile, look around.
Squeaking Springs is a friendly place. And I do mean friendly.
I warned you not to make fun of me!
That does not seem good.
Yeah, I'm not waiting for that dipstick Dimwiddle to come back.
Guess we'll have to fix Bessie.
Okay, I'll go get a blowtorch.
Can I help?
Yeah, find some food.
No food in here.
Place your bets, gentlemen!
Zero green! We have a winner!
I haven't seen a ballet in ages.
This ain't no ballet, girlie!
What a funny town.
Great! They have food!
Want a table?
No, I don't think so. Bessie's a large car, but not that large.
Gotcha. Let's try this again. Want something to eat?
No, I'm all right, but my friend does want something.
'Kay. You got any money?
I guess not.
Actually, our waitress––Mary Lou, I think––ran off with some fella.
We're in a bind. So I'm fine giving you food if you work the lunch shift.
You in?
Sure! I'm built to serve.
- Will we really get there? - Trust me, Prince.
We'll reach Gara's Keep by sundown.
But maybe there's somewhere else we––I mean...
...that you could hole up. Someplace safer?
Gara's Keep is by far the safest place.
It's your funeral.
Good afternoon. Have you decided what to order?
Know what I want from you? A kiss!
I don't think that's on the menu.
Then let's make it a special order!
Please be careful. I'm heavier than I look.
Doing you a favor was a mistake!
Hey!
Clean this up and clear out!
Philly will be so disappointed.
And hungry.
Hi. Is something wrong?
Uh-huh. My parents are gone, and now I'm all alone!
That's so sad!
You know, my friend Philly is also alone.
He is? Golly.
Come on, I'll introduce you to him. None of us should be alone!
Where'd you get that?
I borrowed it from another car parked on the street.
Whaddya know. She can be taught.
Thanks!
Sam's late.
Where the hell is she?
Probably waiting for your food. I don't think hell's a real location.
I'm not waiting. I'll go grab some grub. You finish up.
This won't hurt.
What is that scent, Eau de Road Kill?
Rough day?
I can smell trouble at a hundred paces.
In your case, two hundred.
Thanks for the grub.
Now don't get all huffy.
Tell big sister Lorelei what's wrong.
Well, my car broke down.
I'm late for a life-and-death meeting and stuck in the boonies.
You?
Well, I can't find good help, my life's a series of bad choices...
...and I'm stuck here in the boonies.
Guess we have a lot in common.
Guess we do. So why don't you go upstairs and take a bath?
And why don't you mind your own business?
You're dense. I'm trying to make you my business.
I'd be happy to then.
Look at him. I must be lonely.
Let's see... Bathtub, bathtub...
Where is it?
Wait... So...
You're the sheriff?
Told you I had another job!
What'll happen now?
The penalty for killing Mary Lou is death.
Which d'ya fancy, firing squad or noose?
Good luck with that.
There you go, Bessie! You should be feeling all better!
Casey, meet Jojo. His parents left him, and now he's all alone.
Always glad to meet someone as short as me.
Did you call me short?
Yes. Because you are. Like me.
Uh-huh.
So where's your friend Philly?
He just left.
Too bad. I sure wanted to meet him.
Don't worry. Philly is easy to find. His smell will point the way.
- Say what? - Not that it bothers us.
If you walk down the street and smell rotten eggs...
Or a bubbling sewer...
Or a festering carcass...
Then that will be Philly.
Is that so?
I'm going to test fire your weapons.
If they match Mary Lou's wounds, that'll be proof.
So you'll get hung. Got it?
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Philly's been detained.
I'll get him out!
- Hello, Mr. Dimwiddle! - It's Sheriff Dimwiddle, missy.
Okay, Mr. Sheriff Dimwiddle Missy. There was a disaster at the garage!
What's that?
Bessie suddenly moved!
She broke a wall and ran over so many people!
Oh, the horror! Those poor people! You might want to go see.
This won't do!
- Who taught you to lie like that? - Simple, I copied you.
Okay, let's meet up with Sam.
Say, Philly.
Meet a potential friend. This is Jojo, and he...
...is here to kill you.
Die!
What's your deal?
She's well made.
So lifelike.
Creep!
Hey!
Now I see why nobody's nailed you before. You're immortal?
I'll show you some nice ways to die!
Shit.
Missed.
You missed too!
Plus a hit.
Now, shall we finish this?
I used this to kill Mad Dog Milton.
And one of these tore the Salacious Troll Gang to shreds.
Who are you working for? Lady Day? The Scorpion Clan?
I was hunting rats like you long before...
...those amateurs got into the bounty racket.
Think I believe that?
It's true. I pissed off a sorceress back when there was magic.
Same here.
If we weren't trying to kill each other, we could be pals!
If you weren't such a loser.
You're one to talk! You're immortal!
You could've done anything! But you did nothing!
You've wasted all those years!
You're a selfish, ignorant fool!
Yeah, I may not know everything.
But there's one thing I do know.
Jammed?
This one's not.
Nice gun. Compensating much?
Easy, that ain't a toy. Drop it...
...baby boy.
Don't call me a baby!
Wow.
Cranky too. Must be teething.
Don't worry. You'll live.
You sure?
I'm kind of an expert. Now if you don't mind...
Running in was a bad idea.
You must have a lot of those.
Bullseye.
Crap crap crap. Son of a bitch!
I get it.
You're an old man stuck in a little boy's body.
Getting treated like a kid pisses you off.
- No. - That's why you stabbed Dimwiddle.
And why you shot that waitress in the hotel.
I told her not to laugh at me. And yet...
Could it be you've never slept with a woman? Seriously?
Move!
I feel tingly all over for some reason.
- I'll go fix Bessie. - And I'll find Philly and Jojo.
He's stubborn, that shitty little bastard.
Lorelei, help me out!
I intended to, but you killed Mary Lou, right?
So no.
It wasn't me! That was Jo...
Don't hurt him, Philly! He's just a little boy!
He's no kid! He's a...
I'll chop you up!
Nobody will be able to stitch you together again!
That's for Mary Lou!
Hey.
Is that offer to go upstairs still open?
You're no good to me now, stinky.
Skedaddle while you can.
Ow...
- Are you okay? - No.
- Philly! - You got Bessie running!
Yes. And I borrowed some coins from a man sleeping in the alley.
You learned a lot from me!
You're sheriffs too?
It's a small town. We all work two jobs.
Some of us three.
Oh, by the way...
You're under arrest. Know what I mean?
Squeaking Springs is a friendly town, my ass!
How's an outlaw meant to relax when every other punk's a sheriff?
That brat knows that now.
Finally. Royal stronghold and friend to Botica for centuries.
Gara's Keep.
That's Gara's Keep?
I came here with my father, Ser Garrison, when I was a boy.
I tended to Valdorian prisoners. It hasn't changed at all.
It's nothing like Botica.
It's very old, Prince.
From the days of magic. They say King Bartok...
...offered his daughters to a stone demon to carve it.
It's the closest thing to home now.
Let's move.
You should check before opening hatches.